Home
by Remadora
Summary: Alice Kingsleigh is suddenly regretting her decision of going back to England. Her mind is playing on the word home. Where does she consider her home? England or Underland with a certain Hatter. Halice One-Shot.


**Author Note:** Here is a one shot that I couldn't get out of my mind all day. As a Halice fan, I felt like I was almost betraying them with having my fan-fiction with them with my original characters and none with them together. So here it is, Home. Just a simple one-shot that I hope you will all enjoy. I don't own any of the characters in this fan-fiction. I had so much fun writing it – I really hope that it doesn't seem rushed. I'm sorry if it does.

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><p><strong>Home<strong>

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><p>"<em>You could stay."<em>

How could three little words have such significance to her? Alice Kingsleigh often pondered over what it would have been like if she had agreed with the Mad Hatter and said yes, she could have stayed. After all – she could have. Why hadn't she just turn around, look into those green eyes full of emotion and said that she wished to stay?

Alice had you see. She had wanted to stay – but she had so much to do. She had so much to take care of. Alice had unfinished business that seemed to take forever to come to an end. That was the reason as to why the blonde haired champion of Underland kept torturing herself with those words. He may have said more, they weren't the last words he had said to her in Underland, but they sure were the three that haunted her.

She could picture him right there, in her mind. She could tell you exactly what he looked like – and she could tell you exactly what he was like in personality. Alice made herself remember. She told herself all about him each and every single night since she left his side. She did not want to forget about him. This was so true, even though she knew, deep down, she never would. It was a difficult situation she would find herself in because in a way…

Alice was torn between two men.

On one side there was the Mad Hatter. He was as mad, crazy and wonderful as his idea of her staying with him there in Underland. On the other side, there was the memory of her father Charles Kingsleigh. He had been dead a while now, not that she could tell, as each and every day without him there to tell her that normality wasn't proper in his eyes, was terrible, upsetting. Both of the men had made Alice feel torn apart. This was because they both made her sad in their own way. Perhaps the same way – the same reason actually.

For Alice in fact had no reason to know if she would ever see the Mad Hatter again. She already knew that she would never see her father again for the fact he was now in heaven watching down on her. These circumstances made her wish she had stayed in Underland even more. She wished she had listened to what her heart had told her and not her head. Her head was saying go back home, answer Hamish's question of marriage. Say no. Become part of the trading business her father had put so much of his life into. Save it from what was proper in England. Make it as mad and wonderful as him…

Alice's heart on the other hand… no Alice's heart didn't want her to go at all. It had wanted her to stay in Underland, with her Hatter, with the people who were so mad got her personality and understood her so completely. The same way her father had done. It was something that she had to do though – return to England and face the demons there that had made her life such a misery. Yet now that she was back, it seemed that there were more demons preying on her through the fact she had left behind someone that meant so much to her.

Closing her eyes she could picture him once more. She could remember the way he looked when she said she couldn't stay. It broke her heart. He had never once told her that he loved her, he hadn't said anything of the sort nor done anything to suggest that he might have even felt the same. For some reason, Alice knew, he didn't have to. Alice just wanted to hear it though – something about her curiosity made her want to find out. There was something about him that made her think he might have felt the same way.

"Alice dear, make yourself useful and set the table." Helen Kingsleigh's voice came from the other room causing Alice to come from her thoughts at once. Her mother hadn't forgiven her yet for 'making a spectacle of her' and saying no to Hamish's marriage proposal. How was Alice to marry someone she didn't love? Sure it had been set for a long time, and her father had been part of that. Yet something told Alice that if she had found out sooner and told her father that she did not want to marry Hamish that he would have done something to ensure it never would have happened. It may have been arranged but she knew her father would not force her into something. He was different from that.

Alice did what she was told. Sure they might have had maids and whatnot, but ever since her father's death – they couldn't say that they were as good off as they once were. With the business being at near struggling point before Alice had decided to invest in being Lord Ascot's apprentice, they only had the bare minimum. Their mother didn't work – it wasn't known for women to be the breadwinners. Alice did what she could – but she knew that this wasn't the world that she wanted anymore. This was why she never put her heart and soul into the business like she had done when she first left Underland and came… home.

Home… what a peculiar word. Now Alice loved peculiar words – that should have been known by now. This would have been another thing that would have confused people about Alice if they could hear her thoughts. To know that Alice thought home was a peculiar word. For the fact most people wouldn't think the same. Home was a normal everyday used word… a noun. Only this was peculiar for Alice as she did not know what she would have considered her home. Did she believe her home with here with her mother, who barely treated her like a daughter anymore, or was it in Underland with all the people and creatures who she would say she now felt were family?

That just brought Alice back into thoughts of them… the Cheshire cat, the Dormouse, the March Hare, the Tweedles, and the White Queen. How she missed each and every one of them. They all had significance to her adventures and travels. She missed the Hatter a lot more than the rest of them though. He risked his life for her, she could have gotten him killed – and yet he took it all in his stride as if she was worth it. Now this could have just been because she was the champion who was to slay the Jabberwocky in the prophecy, but Alice hoped it was for more than that.

Alice set the table without question. She had learned to understand that her mother was still very disappointed in her. She had been to China and back, she was gone for a long time and her mother had yet to cool down. Her mother felt so black-a-fronted that Alice could have 'traumatized' her in such a public way! Not only was it public, but she even had the nerve to do it at her own engagement party. Alice rolled her eyes thinking of it. Her own engagement party – what a joke –why have an engagement party when one hadn't even said yes yet.

Her eyes looked around at the blatant look on her mother's face. That look appeared to have been there since that day. Alice couldn't do anything right apparently. Alice had to learn to say yes. She couldn't have just said yes to the Hatter – or yes to Hamish. She wouldn't have been in this mess if she had done either. If she had said yes to the Hatter, and stayed in Underland, she'd be there now – hopefully with him. If she had said yes to Hamish at least she wouldn't be suffering her mother's disapproval.

She did not mind it, at least it meant her mother still cared enough to show her disapproval and not ignore her entirely. It could have been different – very different – for her mother could have forced her hand and made her marry Hamish and she did not. Her mother probably knew better, or thought of how her father would have handled the situation. Alice just wanted everything to be okay again. Sure, she was finding life difficult – but there was always going to be difficult situations – it wasn't as if she was fighting the Jabberwocky again.

Yet fighting her on-going feelings for the Hatter was almost as hard as fighting the Jabberwocky when the Hatter wasn't there with her.

Part of Alice was screaming to her, go on, go back, return to the Hatter, and be happy. The other half of her was telling her to stay where she was – in the real world. Yet… she felt bad for saying that, because Underland was real – she had come to realise that when she was there. Even if she couldn't comprehend as to how she drank the blood of the Jabberwocky and somehow ended up climbing out of that hole, she was more than sure – certain – that Underland was completely and still is real.

She wondered why she was in a world that was proper and calm when she could be in a world that was improper, mad, crazy and wonderful. She seemed to like using those three words together when she thought about Underland. She found everything there to be mad, crazy and wonderful. Why would she want to be stuck somewhere drab and dull when she could be where it was bright and colourful? She was suddenly realising. Alice realised – she didn't want to be in England anymore. She wanted to be back in Underland.

Alice wasn't sure as to why it took her this long to understand it actually. She had made a mistake. She never should have returned – not when her heart and soul wanted to be in Underland. She belonged there – it was her wonderland. She shook her head and just dismissed the touch of the curls whacking against her cheek as she moved from the table and made her way outside.

What was she doing?

She wasn't even sure of that. What made her think she would find a rabbit hole anywhere near her house. She had been in the gardens before, near the park and the woods and she had never seen a rabbit nearby. Let alone the White Rabbit that had taken her to Underland so many times before. Alice kept shaking her head, as the thoughts of the Hatter filled her mind once more. Her hand stayed there upon her forehead as she closed her eyes. She felt the world was spinning around her. Alice wanted to go back.

She wanted to go back now.

Although Alice had no idea as to how she would get back to Underland right at that moment – that did not mean that she wouldn't try. Her mind was all over the place thinking of many different people as she moved through the gardens and towards the park that they lived near. If she were to find a rabbit hole anywhere that was close by to the house it would be in that park. _Oh please… oh please… _she begged, her heart racing, she wanted to go… go home… home to Underland. Alice kept getting flashes of many things as she ran. Her head was full of all her friends – she also thought of the mother and sister she was leaving behind.

_ 'Mother, please don't be mad at me, but I have to be somewhere where you won't look down at me for being a disappointment. I have to be somewhere where I can reach my full potential and be as wonderful as father.'_

Alice thought in her head, hoping that somehow her mother would understand. She hoped that she wouldn't take Alice's disappearance too hard and that she would one day understand. So many times she had tried to explain her dreams – explain her adventures and all her mother did was push them aside because she didn't understand. Alice didn't understand many things, but she always believed they could be possible. Her father taught her that nothing could be impossible – in fact – the Hatter also taught her that too. Alice couldn't help the tears that were starting to pass from her eyes and slide down her cheeks as she looked at her surroundings searching frantically for a rabbit hole – any rabbit hole.

_'Margaret… I can't live a lie like you do. You can't be serious when you say you don't know what Lyall is doing behind your back. I can't live here watching you be made a fool of. It's not my place to tell you, you'll have to figure it out yourself. Be careful Margaret, you deserve to be treated better.'_

It was true. Margaret's husband was having affairs. Although Alice hadn't seen any more than private kisses with her own eyes. It was only by the way that he reacted to her seeing those that convinced Alice that he was having an affair, most likely many. Alice being the way she was didn't want to hurt her sister. She seemed happy – and that was what should have counted. Although she knew one day that Margaret would find out the truth – and that day – well when that day came Margaret would no longer be happy. She wouldn't talk to Alice again if she were to find out that Alice somehow knew. That was why she thought it would be best if she were not there.

This was just another reason that pushed her towards going back to Underland. If she were to go back to her own magical little world then she wouldn't have to be hated by Margaret or her mother. If Margaret found out, she would take to hiding in silence with their mother. She knew that they both wouldn't be alone for on that day they would have each other and neither of them would have to worry about Alice. Although she knew if she were to go back home and leave them a note it would be useless, they wouldn't understand. Why leave them something to tear up a few days later out of frustration when they could not find her?

The more she looked around for that rabbit hole, the more frustrated with herself she got for not finding it. She yelled out almost. For she now set in her way to wanting to go back. Why was it now that she wanted to go back it wouldn't be easy? Why couldn't she have had a vile of some other creature's blood to drink that would instantly take her back? Why hadn't the White Queen given her something like that? Alice calmed her mind. _No… No… not the time to take this out on other people._ She told herself as she glanced around. Perhaps she might see the rabbit again? He would take her back - after all the last time he was above the hole and world looking for Alice he had been here for a while.

Maybe they were looking for Alice just like she was looking for a way to return to them? She already knew that life could be a funny thing like that. Perhaps she was wrong though. Maybe she wasn't meant to return to Underland after all. She had said to them that she would be back before they knew it, but what if that decision she had made there with the Hatter that day was a permanent decision? All Alice wanted to do right now was go back to him, throw her arms around him and do the unladylike thing and kiss him. Sure it wasn't unknown for a woman to kiss a man, but it would have been frowned upon if that man wasn't courting that woman.

Alice might have had it in her mind that she wanted to do such a thing with the mad man but what if he wasn't seeing her in the way that she saw him? What if he didn't have those same feelings? Maybe those moments they shared together weren't as important to him as they were to her. She held the moment they saw each other the first time at the tea party, the walk in the woods, his capture by the red queen, his almost getting his head chopped off, their… well she just loved every moment they spent together – she couldn't help it. He was an amazing man and she would have given anything to tell him how she felt.

To utter those three little words.

Those were words she had only ever spoken to her father and never expected to want to say to anyone else. She knew if she had agreed to marry Hamish that she never would have found herself able to tell him that. It was a special sentence – and one she only now wanted to tell to the Hatter. That was why all of this was so important to her – finding her way back. She had to tell him how she felt using that special sentence or else the rest of her life would be meaningless. Sure she could head back now. What would be the point? She would go back to living with her disapproving mother, dive headfirst into the business and end up marrying another person her mother thought would make her look good.

Alice didn't want to marry anyone else. She didn't want to be courted by anyone else and she didn't want to be engaged to anyone else. In fact, right now, she didn't know if she ever wanted to be doing any of those things. The word courted was far too proper for her, and far too formal. She wanted to get to Underland first, be face to face with the Hatter and say her special sentence. Whatever would come after that would just be a blessing to her. She knew that nothing could come from telling him her feelings – but she had to try!

'_Just let me get there.'_

As she whispered those words, Alice suddenly felt herself tripping up. Unsure as to why, she hadn't seen anything lying around. It seemed she was now floating in thin air – only for the fact she shocked herself to find that she wasn't floating – she was falling! She had found the rabbit hole! She was as shocked at the same time as so happy to be on her way back to Underland – back home. She hadn't seen the hole… was it there that whole time? She had learned though, that nothing was as it seemed in Underland and perhaps her inner turmoil and pleading had been the reason for the hole to… maybe the hole to Underland found her.

Alice always wondered what it was like to fly – she had said that day to Hamish when she had gone to Underland. Although the look she got from his was one far from flattering. Suddenly her falling down the hole became rapid – now it felt more like it was the last time falling down the hole. She span, hit into things, fell past stacks of books scattered around, jars on tables, jars on shelves, pianos – yes, she remembered that piano from the last time – she was definitely on her way back to Underland. It wasn't the same though, the fall, all these objects weren't in the same place as before – had the rabbit relocated everything, although the fact she was falling down a hole made her wonder what an odd thing she had thought. It would have been odd though, the rabbit being able to be steady enough climbing up this hole to redecorate.

As she tried to picture this in her mind, she was brought right smack out of her imaginings and with a sore landing to the floor of the door-room that she recalled ever so vividly. Well she always said she might have to take some sort of liquid to get back to Underland – she didn't think it would be the pishsalver and how she really had wished it wouldn't have been. That tasted revolting. Yet, what would you expect giving half of the ingredients that it took to make the pishsalver. Thinking this only made her think of the White Queen, she would never have known of the ingredients if she hadn't have been there when the queen made her own batch to get Alice back to normal size before.

Alice made sure not to forget to take the small key in her hand, now that she was expecting it – it was there on the glass table. She took the bottle into her hand, the drink me sign still there even though she would have known to drink from it. She drank as much of the liquid as she thought would get her the right size. She did not want to over or under consummate and have to find an upelkuchen to eat and grow bigger. All Alice wanted to do was get out of this room, into Underland, through the mushroom garden, the woods and to the Hatter.

She hoped she would find the way. The last time she was to find the Hatter's table – or was it the hare's… were they at the Hare's house when she had first met them – the Cheshire cat had led the way. She was sure she would recognise her surroundings and find the way. The only problem would be the woods though. The woods would all look the same – after all a tree was a tree and she recalled in these woods there were no talking flowers. Now she was only starting to get herself worried. She snapped herself out of it and as she became her smaller size, enough to fit through the door. That was what she did.

She placed the key into the door and turned the handle, now able to get through and find the Hatter.

Alice made her way down the staircase. The minute the fresh Underland air hit her skin and caused the hairs on her arms to stand up wasn't only chilly but quite refreshing, she missed that sensation too. You would think that because she had been here before that the view wouldn't be as mind-blowing but you were wrong. She had been gone a while – everything could have been seen as new to her if she wanted it to. Alice couldn't help but smile as she saw the flowerbeds and the flowers themselves almost uprooted and squealed in delight seeing her. This was a much better reception than the first time they had seen her.

Then again the last time she was here she was with the rabbit and a lot of other creatures. They all also thought that she wasn't the right Alice. Right Alice indeed, she recalled the way she reacted to that – she thought it was her dream and she should have been the right Alice. Alice smiled as she made her way through the gate and into the mushroom gardens that she recalled meeting the bandersnatch in a very unfriendly way. Alice made her way through – she knew that she would most likely get lost, but if she kept her mind clear and set in what she wanted to do that it wouldn't be long before she would hit the woods – and then the on-going tea party.

'_Where's Chessur when I need him?'_

She asked herself, pushing through the almost maze of a garden, looking for the way out. She would have found her way much easier with her trusty guide. This was also something she found amusing. She looked upon the Cheshire cat as her guide. When normally in England you would look upon dogs as your guide. It wasn't something completely hysterical or funny but it did make Alice smile as she thought it.

It was almost as if by magic that Alice had called Chessur the Cheshire cat to her as before she could blink she was thrown back in shock at coming face to face with the grinning cat, hanging upside down in front of her. She breathed out his name whilst she clasped at her chest. Nothing surprised Alice in this world anymore, but that made her jump so much her heart was in her mouth, well the saying anyway, it wasn't literally. She glanced up at the purring creature who simply spoke:

**"You called, my dear?"**

He didn't seem shocked that she was back in Underland. He didn't seem too thrilled – although for the calm and collected Chessur, Alice didn't expect more. She knew that she would get the reaction that she wanted to get eventually and she knew exactly who it would be that would give her that. Alice raised an eyebrow towards the cat. She didn't call – she thought. Could the cat read her mind? Most likely not, he just appeared there because by some magic she wanted him to. Then again for all she knew about him, the cat could have read her mind.

"You could be happy to see me." She spoke laughing, she couldn't help but smile. The cat was grinning away like always – he always seemed to make her smile. He told her that he was happy to see her. "Can you take me to the Hatter?" she asked, and without an answer the cat disappeared. Alice sighed, why did he always do that? It annoyed her so. It may have been a quirk of the Cheshire cat's but it certainly wasn't a helpful one. When he reappeared saying his usual: **"This way."** Alice followed hoping that he wasn't taking her on a goose chase now that he could have his fun and would take her directly to the Hatter.

Although she took in her surroundings nothing could seem to control the butterflies that were fighting in her stomach. She couldn't help it – she was so excited to see the Hatter once more. She was in fact excited to see everyone but when you had to say those special words to a special someone. Those feelings sort of took over. So Alice found. The butterflies wouldn't be there in her stomach for excitement alone and Alice knew that, she knew that the butterflies were trying to get out because of the fact that she was nervous. There was still that doubt playing in the back of her mind that he might not feel the same way.

Her mind was racing with thoughts – reactions of which the Hatter might have when she confessed. She wondered which of them would be the reaction he would have. She smiled to herself remembering the best reaction she could come up with. She now hoped that when she got to the Hatter she would get there soon. She couldn't contain her excitement or nerves. She knew one of them, if not both, could make her explode. She had never felt her emotions be so raw before. Alice soon found she was in the dark woods where she had first seen the cat in.

The cat was appearing and disappearing in so many places, as she was following him. Alice saw him on branches, at the top of trees, hanging upside down from branches, on the ground, off in the distance and even right up close to her. He certainly liked to be remembered and have fun when he took her on their little walks. For all she knew he was playing cat and mouse with her, with her as the mouse of course. Alice wouldn't have minded normally but this time though he'd better be leading her in the right direction.

She wanted to ask the cat how much Underland had changed whilst she had been back in London. She didn't know though just how much time might have passed. She didn't know if everything was the same as before or if it had changed dramatically after the White Queen took over power again. She hoped for the sake of everyone that it had. The queen seemed to be so nice to her and everyone else, if Underland was not a better place now, Alice would have found that very shocking.

Alice looked up a head. It appeared her trip with Chessur was near over. Even more so if he were to disappear on her the minute she was to find herself at the table. The table was coming into view and suddenly she felt her stomach churning and clenching. She was so nervous, she almost didn't know if she wanted to go through with this. _Don't be a silly girl._ She told herself. _You've came all this way, don't give up now. _She agreed with herself, although never for a minute stopped to think how crazy it was to talk to herself yet alone answer herself back.

Almost pushing her way down the path that lead to the table she could see the table more clearly and the characters enjoying their tea. Her heart skipped a beat when she set her eyes on the Hatter. He was sitting at the top of the table as he always did. He looked like she remembered, nothing had changed. She guessed time must have passed at the same rate as it did for her in England. That or time was offended and once again stopped all together. She came to a halt when he looked up and saw her. Alice clenched her fists as she hoped for a reaction – he seemed a little bemused.

That wasn't what she expected.

Then she realised, he didn't seem to see her. It was almost as if he was looking right through her as if he didn't believe she could really be there. Alice took in a deep breath. No it wasn't going to end like this. She wasn't going to turn around and give up. "I know you might not believe I'm here, but I am." She shouted out making her way over. Her walking soon was turning into a run as she found herself getting closer and closer. She couldn't stop herself, she was here for a reason and she would fulfil her reason this time as well as she fulfilled the prophecy the last.

It seemed he had started to believe it was her as before she knew it, he had gotten up from his seat and called out her name. She smiled as she watched him get excited – as excited as she got. _Well I don't see why I can't do this too._ Alice jumped up, yes right up onto the table, as the Hatter had done all that time ago when he first saw her. She made her way down to him, slowing her movements. She wasn't just being lazy. Going over the table was the shortest way to reach him, but she wanted to try it herself now that she was her proper size – and it seemed fun – yet… proper size?

Now Alice couldn't recall when she became proper sized after drinking the potion earlier, but she had learned not to counter anything that happened in Underland for everything happened for a reason – and her returning to her right size sometime through this commotion of getting to the Hatter had happened for a reason. She guessed it was because every other time she had found herself with the Hatter she was either too small or too big and right now she wanted to be the right size.

"You came back."

The words she heard were so crisp and clear. That was the same voice that had haunted her for as long as she was in England. Alice nodded her head. "I told you I would be." Before she could even reach half way down the table the Hatter was up on the table, kicking aside teapots, teacups and lots of different varieties of baked goods. She laughed watching him – he could be so comical when he wanted to be and he didn't even know it. "I have something to say." Alice said moving her hands up to stop him when he went to embrace her. As much as she wanted to be spun around in his arms, she had to get it out. She after all had been dying to say it for a long time.

She found that she was getting nervous once more and she didn't like the feeling. She had told herself over and over again that she would tell him this – but she hadn't thought that when she went to say it that she would find her so nervous she couldn't speak! It was when she looked up and saw his expectant expression, he was waiting. Alice smiled and sighed. What was the point in putting it off any longer? She would be here forever waiting for her body to calm down – it wasn't going to happen. He made her feel butterflies in her stomach every time he looked at her. The time would never be perfect.

"_I love you."_

The words came out so fluidly, Alice didn't wait for a verbal response. The minute the Hatter smiled his goofy smile she couldn't help but throw her arms around his neck and press her lips into his. Her mind racing with the words she had just told him as if an echo was sending them right back at her. _I love you. I love you. _She felt his arms move around her, he didn't spin her – although she was quite glad he hadn't, they were still upon that table, she could have easily had fallen. Well, actually, she wouldn't have cared really… it was when they parted and she heard him return the sentiment, that she felt truly like she was at home.

"I love you too."


End file.
